Post by Lydia on Mar 30, 2004 18:45:07 GMT -5
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A. He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!
Is chicken soup good for your health?
A. Not if you are the chicken.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A. Coop-cakes.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of the barn?
A. An egg roll.
Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
A. Because it ran out of cluck.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A. A cuckoo cluck.
What happened to the chicken whose feathers were pointing the wrong way?
A. She was tickled to death.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A. A bird that lays down!
Why did the rooster run away?
A. He was chicken.
What do chickens grow on?
A. Eggplant.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
A. Because talk is cheep.
Why don’t chickens like people?
A. Because they beat eggs.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
A. She lays hand gren-eggs.
What happened when the chicken ate cement?
A. She laid a sidewalk.
What did the chicken do when she saw a bucket of fried chicken?
A. She kicked the bucket.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A. She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
A. They go on peck-nics.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
A. You scratch my beak, and I’ll scratch yours.
What day of the week do chickens hate the most?
A. Fry-day!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.To get to the other side.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. To cockadoodle-doo something.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get on the other slide.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A. Because it was stuck to the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the Internet?
A. To get to the other site.
How long do chickens work?
A. Around the cluck.
What does an alarm clock say?
A. "Tick-tock-cockadoodle-doo."
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A. An alarm cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A. She heard the referee calling fowls.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
A. Because she was a dirty double-crosser.
Why didn’t the chicken skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he didn’t have enough guts.
And to you adults reading this, here’s what famous people said about chickens crossing the road:
Alfred Einstein: "Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference."
Darwin: "It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees."
Jack Nicholson: "’Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason."
Calvin Coolidge: "I do not choose to run."
Mark Twain: "The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated."
George Bonin is a columnist for The Times.
Ex-President Clinton: " I repeat, Sir, I had nothing to do with that chicken."
Ex-President Jimmy Carter: "Of course the chicken cross the road -- to get the peanuts on the other side!"
Howard Cosell: "It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence."
(George Bonin is a columnist for The Times.)
A. He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!
Is chicken soup good for your health?
A. Not if you are the chicken.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A. Coop-cakes.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of the barn?
A. An egg roll.
Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
A. Because it ran out of cluck.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A. A cuckoo cluck.
What happened to the chicken whose feathers were pointing the wrong way?
A. She was tickled to death.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A. A bird that lays down!
Why did the rooster run away?
A. He was chicken.
What do chickens grow on?
A. Eggplant.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
A. Because talk is cheep.
Why don’t chickens like people?
A. Because they beat eggs.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
A. She lays hand gren-eggs.
What happened when the chicken ate cement?
A. She laid a sidewalk.
What did the chicken do when she saw a bucket of fried chicken?
A. She kicked the bucket.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A. She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
A. They go on peck-nics.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
A. You scratch my beak, and I’ll scratch yours.
What day of the week do chickens hate the most?
A. Fry-day!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.To get to the other side.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
A. To cockadoodle-doo something.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get on the other slide.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A. Because it was stuck to the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the Internet?
A. To get to the other site.
How long do chickens work?
A. Around the cluck.
What does an alarm clock say?
A. "Tick-tock-cockadoodle-doo."
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A. An alarm cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A. She heard the referee calling fowls.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
A. Because she was a dirty double-crosser.
Why didn’t the chicken skeleton cross the road?
A. Because he didn’t have enough guts.
And to you adults reading this, here’s what famous people said about chickens crossing the road:
Alfred Einstein: "Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference."
Darwin: "It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees."
Jack Nicholson: "’Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason."
Calvin Coolidge: "I do not choose to run."
Mark Twain: "The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated."
George Bonin is a columnist for The Times.
Ex-President Clinton: " I repeat, Sir, I had nothing to do with that chicken."
Ex-President Jimmy Carter: "Of course the chicken cross the road -- to get the peanuts on the other side!"
Howard Cosell: "It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence."
(George Bonin is a columnist for The Times.)